Today I cried.
I cried because for about an hour I was ashamed of myself.
More importantly I was ashamed of myself as a writer and ashamed of what I write.
I have always been afraid that what I write would come back to haunt me.
Here is what happened.
My daughter about a couple of weeks ago asked me if she could join instagram. Now I was a little worried about what she would see on instagram so I hesitated. Her father and I discussed it and decided as long as she follows only kids from school she could join. Well, she has only followed her friends from school so we are ok with that.
However I heard that some of the kids from her school sometimes sext and share salacious photos. I wanted to know what types of friends she had so I followed a few to see what their everyday photos are like.
Well today, one of her teammates on the basketball team asked her who “The Writer 84” was? My daughter didn’t hesitate. She said “That’s my mom.” Then her teammate said that her own mother saw in my profile that I was an Erotic romance writer and told her to “block me because I was one of those sex writers.”
My daughter and my husband said they understood. She, here I was a grown woman following this woman’s daughter and I was an erotic romance writer. Even though on my instagram there are pictures of me and my kids. Pictures of a daughter she sees playing ball with her girl every Monday and Friday. Pictures of me or covers of my books that are not in the least bit showing anything.
I understood that as well. I would question an adult following my child. What hurt me was that she said I was “a sex writer.”
I consider what I write not only about sex but about romantic relationships where sex and lust gets them into trouble.
Being a person who writes about sex between married or consenting adults does not make me a pervert, a child molester, a sex addict, a sexual deviant etc…
EROTIC ROMANCE!!!! There are so many people racing to see 50 shades of Grey but the people who write these stories…well, something must be wrong with them.
I was ashamed of being an erotic romance writer at that moment. The last thing I would want is for my daughter to lose a friend because I write erotic romance. What if my daughter wants to have a slumber party and invite that girl? Will her mother say no because “her mom writes sex books.”
I was also ashamed because I was ashamed of myself for being ashamed. Okay, that was pretty confusing but I am sick and tired of explaining what I write and that it is literature and that it matters to people because they want to view anything that involves sex as smut. I DO NOT WRITE PORNOGRAPHY!
For pete’s sake I am angry and tired of this. I am not writing something that you should be ashamed to tell your friends that you read. I am not writing things that should only be kept in the bedroom. You can read this on the bus on your ride to work. You can read my book on the plane as you fly to visit family. Most importantly you can read this book on your lunch break from whatever job you have.
If you are ashamed of reading my book, then please…do not read it. I pour my heart and soul into everything I write. My sweat, tears and minutes that I spend away from my kids are on every page of my book and you tell me I’m just a sex writer.
Yes, I hear you asking. Would I want my daughters to read my books when they are older? Hell yes and they ain’t getting them for free. They better buy it on Amazon just like everyone else.
Look Mom, your daughter will learn about sex and it won’t be from me. I hope by the time she is old enough to read my book you would have talked to her and she won’t be influenced by a book or let a book control her sex life. Oh and I’m just a mom like you trying to work and take care of my children. I understand you don’t know and that is the first thing you saw…but please know that I am harmless and a hell of a writer.