A Peek Through The Blinds

Here is a joke:

A Hermit, An Introvert and A Writer entered a bar.

Ha Ha Ha Ha…

What? You didn’t get it. Where is the punch line you ask?

Well, That’s it. That’s the joke.

You would never catch either of the three out anywhere especially not together. Neither would barely leave the house let alone venture out to a place that is loud and boisterous and a possibility for (gasp!) SMALL TALK!

 Image

It rained yesterday…twice. And both times I missed it.  It does not rain very often in Bakersfield.

Not once did I open the blinds or go anywhere. It wasn’t until I had to pick up my daughter that I realized it rained. There was water on my car. Normally, all the blinds are shut and the curtains stay closed. I clean house, feed the kids, write and when they really want to go outside…I stand at the patio door and watch. I never went outside.

So, I have it bad. I suffer from an anxiety disorder, I an introvert, I hate nature (a fear I think grew from my anxiety and the fact that I am terrified of any animal known to man except for domestic cats and I am allergic to mosquito bites).

Yet you know what kicks me in the teeth and shoots pain through my gums like an extremely cold drink on sensitive teeth?

I have three daughters that are definitely not introverted. Well, my oldest shows some traces, but the two younger ones are far from it. They love to be outside in nature, having fun…outdoors.

It didn’t help that we moved to California.  When were in Indiana, I could get away with not going outside very often. Especially in the winter. We would get snowed in or it would be too cold to venture out and do anything.

I had more Pajamas bottoms than I had pants. I figured that out the hard way. So I ended up being one of those people at Wal-Mart in Elmo pajama pants. 

When I moved to California, I did something that I didn’t think I would do. I bought more pants.

ImageAnd…I joined a mommy’s group. So yes. I did that and it sent me running back to Therapy. I have never been good with large groups of people. I prefer small groups or no groups at all.  Yes, no groups at all would be lovely, yet my kids can’t be well rounded if I don’t let them outside once in a while. We really can’t have a house full of hermits.

Or can we…

No, of course not.

I had to change and I realized that. I realized that this writer and introvert was also a mom who owed it to my kids to fix what ailed me. Yet I had a panic attack believing that if I changed anything about me could affect my writing.

My husband pointed out that was part of the problem. Anxiety leads to Anxiety to more Anxiety to depression and then to me being less productive.

Okay, I owed it to my husband too. Eleven years of crazy me? I’m thinking he deserves some relief.

Moral of the story: I got help with the anxiety and because of that, once in a while I take a peek through the blinds and one day I actually saw rain.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t rain, it was the sprinklers but sometimes that is the best you get in Bakersfield.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “A Peek Through The Blinds

  1. You need to give yourself more criedit. You’re an awesome writer, mom, and I’m sure your husband would say you’re an awesome wife. You’ve done more than most people and overcome a lot. Keep looking ahead and not behind.
    And by the way, most introverts are wonderful listeners, which is a gift that many people do not have. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s